question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
