I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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