wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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