Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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