You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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