some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
