I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
