i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
