I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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