That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
