My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
