I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
