There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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