you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
