when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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