was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
