Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
