You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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