HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize