Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
