i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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