my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
