Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
