So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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