I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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