i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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