I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
