allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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