I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
