My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
