actually, I'm a sock model
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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