you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
