my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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