So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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