I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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