There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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