Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
