i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize