You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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