he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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