Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
