This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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