I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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