i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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