if only i could text you this smell
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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