i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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