Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
