I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
