So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
