if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
