So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
