Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
