My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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