if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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