Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize