forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
