I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
