see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
