i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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