I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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