god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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