Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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