Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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