I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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