I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize