some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
