i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
