apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
