We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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