rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
