Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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