i jhust puked up my retainher.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
