dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
These tits shall not be calmed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
