The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
