I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
