Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
