So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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