If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize