My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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