There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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