I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
