Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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