I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
