Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
