my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize