And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
