No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
