There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
