I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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