The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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