we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All the doctor said was why
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
