how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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