Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize