how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
