I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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