I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
