Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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