Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Randomize
