I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My feet surprised me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize