I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
