Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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