Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
