Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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