I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
