Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
