If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
